Again, I have abandoned my blog. Life became life and struggles take time and energy. Thankfully, I am still sober despite a separation, job loss and my current need for housing. Through it all I look to and trust in my higher power.
Right now I have been facing what I believe to be a little bit of depression. I was let go from my job in December and had high hopes for a job that I applied to immediately after. Unfortunately, I am a nurse who has not worked in an acute care hospital in a long time, and because of that, did not get the first job I applied for. I am horrible at failure. I feel like I am stagnate, somewhat frozen. I have the first real free time that I have had in sobriety and a long time before that, and I don't know what to do with myself. People are asking me to do things and I am declining, making excuses.
Because I don't have a job, I am living on unemployment, which is half of my usual income. Needless to say, with all of this free time, I don't have money to do anything fun... So my existence is filled with trying to feed my family and keep a roof over our heads without my children knowing that I am pulling my hair out!
I have recently pulled away from my relationship which has been dwindling due to unforseen circumstances. This is weighing on my as I worry about my partner, but have realized that she has to be able to handle her own difficulties as I do mine. The hardest part is that I am missing my best friend when I need one most.
This is down and dirty, but I am going to try to do this every day as I know that writing helps me....that in recovery it is essential.
So, today I will pray, and I will apply for 5 jobs. That is my goal...5 jobs a day!!!
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