Sobriety Challenges, Day 6

It's Sunday, St. Patrick's Day.... I woke up thinking about my bitter relationship with my ex-husband and his girlfriend of one year. I don't want to think about them anymore. Within the last week, what has been a amicable relationship between he and I, has become unfortunate, because of actions of he and his girlfriend. We can no longer work together around the children due to constant deception and undercutting on their part... So, how it affects my sobriety.... Both my ex and his girlfriend are ER Nurses, I am a Hospice Nurse. According to them, this makes me less than them in the hierarchy of nursing. This became of issue during a recent injury/ER visit for one of my daughters, in which I was barely allowed to speak on her behalf, because I am an idiot. While this is untrue, as any alcoholic knows, it is insanely easy to make us feel awful about ourselves. Despite my feeling like crap about myself all of a sudden, I am blessed with a wonderful sponsor and wonderful man in my life who both said, what would you like to do about this............ And so, the current, horrifically uncomfortable journey. It's time to stand up and assert myself as the children's advocate. I have left too much go for too long, and my three girls have suffered for that. I am pulling up my big girl panties and going after them. In my favorite movie, Love Actually, there is a line that is now my inspiration: "When friends become bullies, they are no longer friends. And since bullies only respond to strength, I shall be much stronger... And they should be prepared for that!" And so it is, from the mouth of Hugh Grant, I am standing up to my bullies. I am praying, going to meetings, talking to my sponsor, shielding my girls, and am pissed that my ex and his girlfriend are screwing up my joyous, peaceful world.... but most of all, I AM NOT DRINKING, NO MATTER WHAT!!

THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL LOSE YOUR GIRLS IS IF YOU DRINK

As usual, the beginning of my blogging will start with.... wow, I haven't done this in a while! I have developed a world of peace, and rarely feel the need to vent. I have a sponsor, some friends in recovery, pray regularly, but rarely journal. Typically, I use facebook to gush about my hapiness, my wonderful children and how blessed I feel. This week I have become saddened. My peaceful little world has taken an unfortunate turn. My Ex-husband, whom I usually get along with very well in managing the children, has decided that he and his girlfriend of 1 year are better equipped to care for and make decisions for my children. So, the peaceful, cooperative divorce is about to become ugly. I am being forced to fight for my rights as a mother and for the rights of my children. It's made me sick all week. I have been on the phone with my sponsor more this week than in the last year.... I haven't felt this uncomfortable since I became sober..... My fear, that they will try to persuade my girls that they are better for them, or that I am being mean to them by taking their dad back to court and renegotiating the 9 yr long agreement. My sponsors response to this.... "The only way you'll lose your girls is if you drink!!" And there you have it...I love her!! So, my sweet, peaceful blog, that has no followers.... I will be using you to vent over the coming months to attempt to preserve my sanity. I need to journal, I need to go to more meetings, I need to trust God, I need to stay sober. I can walk through this!!!